Top 10 Worst Movies of 2018
And now, we come to the worst movies of 2018. In 2017, I would have counted 5 movies as the worst I've seen (The Emoji Movie being number one), but since I had Moviepass and then AMC A-List, I got to see a lot more movies in '18. Even then, I tried adding some critically panned movies in my Netflix queue in my search for the worst, but I think I've compiled enough for my list. No, I didn't see Fifty Shades Freed. I didn't want to see it, I didn't want to support it in any way, I'm glad it's over, so let's get going.
10. Vox Lux
My pick for most pretentious movie of 2018. It follows a girl named Celeste who went through some terrible circumstances and became a pop star in her adulthood. I thought it might have some potential, especially with Natalie Portman in the lead. This could have been like Black Swan 2. But the themes and presentation of it all were so heavy-handed. It insists upon itself with the violent imagery and dramatic Willem Dafoe narration. Some choices were interesting like having the girl who played young Celeste also play her daughter, and presenting the opening credits like they're the closing credits and having the end credits roll up the other way with absolute silence. With the exception of one man in the theater referring to Jonathan Demme, whom this movie was dedicated to, you can hear a pin drop as the end credits rolled on. I bet the other people were either blown away by it or dumbfounded by it. Overall, my feelings could be summed up by this classic Simpsons scene with Krusty the Klown:
9. A Wrinkle in Time
For the second time, Disney tries to bring the classic novel to life, this time on the big screen. But after watching it, I asked myself, "What happened?" We had a seemingly good director and some imagination that looked promising. Granted, I haven't read the book so I can't quite judge it on that aspect, but as a movie, it's a mess from the acting to the story. While Storm Reid was decent as Meg, it's her brother Charles Wallace that gives a robotic performance. I wondered if that was the same kid in A Simple Favor who played Blake Lively's son. It wasn't. You also got Oprah who often times is a giant. Metaphorical, much? Then there's Reese Witherspoon who's just so loony and not in a charming way. And Mindy Kaling whose character only speaks in quotes and who says them. She even quotes Chris Tucker! Well, here's a quote for this movie:
8. The Happytime Murders
Now, this was a fascinating idea: a dark noir film with Muppets. I've heard this was in development for almost a decade, and when the trailer hit, people had major reservations about the tone and the adult humor, but I was pretty curious to see it. And in the end, it was very underwhelming. It felt like it was truly attempting to be edgy for the sake of being edgy. However, I'm not proud to admit it, but I like that gag of Phil Phillips ejaculating with silly string. I know it's stupid and so low brow, but it was funny for how much it was pushing it. But it also didn't help by having Melissa McCarthy around. You want a real adult Muppet movie to see, that really pushes the envelope, while the kids are asleep? Then see Peter Jackson's Meet the Feebles. Also, watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
7. Pacific Rim Uprising
The sequel to Guillermo del Toro's sci-fi action flick feels like it was made from a corporate machine that throws in elements from the original, but none of the human elements. While I'm not a big fan of the first one, it had me more engaged than the sequel which I just completely forgotten. While John Boyega does his best as the son of Stacker Pentecost, he just couldn't carry the film especially with subpar supporting characters and weak twists. You know it's bad when Bumblebee is much better than this.
6. Sherlock Gnomes
Like The Nut Job 2, I don't know if people demanded a sequel to Gnomeo and Juliet. I believe the studio thought what other gnome related puns they could use, as evident in the opening. Most of the cast from the first returns with a washed out Johnny Depp leading as the title character. And as if they need to make it clear who was the executive producer of this film, there are some Elton John references. The only pro this movie has is the animation is a little better than the first one, but it's not very noteworthy especially when it can't give Moriarty, who's a pie mascot for some reason, some good over the top expressions. This was just another film to take your six-year-old when there aren't any left.
5. Mile 22
This was the most enjoyable bad movie I've seen last year! To start things off, you got Mark Wahlberg in the lead and it looks like he's not going to bring his A material but instead, bring his "what the fuck is he doing?" material as he plays the leader of a top-secret unit who's very impulsive. Then there's Lauren Cohan who's very stiff but has some moments of outbursts. In fact, a lot of the characters act like they have Tourette's syndrome. In one moment with Cohan, she is talking to her estranged daughter only to have her father hang up on her. Very furious, she breaks the phone, yelling, "Fucking motherfucker!" This was one of several unintentionally funny moments. When I went to see it, it was me and two other people. I didn't want to ruin their date night, so I tried to stifle myself. On top of that, the editing was also impulsive and hectic. Even when there are two characters having a conversation, the film feels like it needs to cut at a different angle. I don't think there's a shot that lasts for more than 13 seconds. The editing also doesn't do Iko Uwais justice in his action scenes. This overall was a funny mess of a film which can be frustrating for some, but I found it outrageously entertaining and at the very least, it didn't drag.
4. Show Dogs
Why does this movie exist? I thought we were done with talking animal movies of this tenth-rate kind. Heck, this movie feels like it belongs in 2008, even the humor and CGI on the talking animals reflect that. You know there's no faith in it when it's released on the same weekend as Deadpool 2. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. This movie also became infamous for having a "grooming" scene in which parents and critics complained, resulting in the scene being cut out. I managed to find a video of that scene and honestly it's warranted. It is for the best of the youth of America to not see that scene. There's one joke I kinda like where it involved three Rottweilers from different parts of the world learning they're siblings. They even reunited with their mother coincidentally. It was like the canine version of Three Identical Strangers without the shocking reveals. But aside from that, this was a shaggy dog story that didn't belong in this time period.
3. Action Point
Johnny Knoxville brings his Jackass shtick into a movie about a theme park that's based on an infamous theme park that was deemed too dangerous for people. Unlike the Jackass series and movies, all the stunts don't feel quite as fresh, painful, or funny like it's all coordinated. This tries to have a story with characters and conflicts, but I believe this was an excuse for Knoxville to try and relive the glory days of Jackass. As one character had said, it is "a continuous train wreck." I got more entertainment out of a family with kids reacting to a preview of The Happytime Murders, complete with the silly string ejaculation scene.
2. Holmes and Watson
As if one subpar Sherlock Holmes comedy wasn't enough, Will Ferrell and John C. Reiley just had to get involved. Initially, I thought the trailer looked stupid but kind of amusing. But then, it received the same score as Fan4stic on Rotten Tomatoes: 9%. Still, someone must report to this to their friends so they wouldn't torture themselves to see it. And yeah, this was pretty bad. A lot of the jokes you can predict from the setup and where it's going to go. An example is seeing a young Sherlock Holmes get picked on at school, but the students say they're sorry and they put a blindfold around him, saying he'll receive a kiss from the prettiest girl. Well, I wonder where this could go? Sure enough, they tricked him in kissing the ass of a donkey! As if this wasn't uncreative enough, they also make some Trump references like someone saying "fake news" and Sherlock wearing a fez with the words "Make England Great Again."
And it's very sad that they had good talent involved like Ralph Fiennes as Moriarty who doesn't little to nothing, Kelly Macdonald as Mrs. Hudson whose acting takes a turn in a cringe-worthy way, and Hugh Laurie as Mycroft Holmes. And why did they cast Rebecca Hall as an American when she's English in real life? Also, what was Lauren Lapkus doing, acting like a cat? These were all questions in my head as I was watching it. You know what's funnier than this movie? The fact that Sony tried to sell the movie to Netflix after it did poorly at test screenings, but Netflix declined as if they were saying, "We won't have this turd as part of our library, not beside Roma or Mudbound!" That's all there is to it. Don't go see it. Go and rent Step Brothers.
1. Gotti
Moviepass' second biggest crime was financing this lame attempt to bring light to the infamous mob boss and bring John Travolta back into the spotlight. The movie was like a bad high school report about Gotti that just didn't paint a good picture of what an imposing figure he was. This feels more like a made for TV movie than a theatrical one. Travolta's acting and over the top accent certainly reflects that, as well as lines like "I'll park a bus up your ass fucking sideways!". In fact, there was a made-for-TV movie about Gotti with Armand Assante, and even then people say that one does Gotti more justice! As it presents Gotti's life story, it tries to bring some style to it with Pitbull songs and stealing from Scorcese films. All the scenes and the narrative didn't flow very well. It was like a kid trying to put a 1000 piece puzzle together and just leaving a disjointed mess. As if the studio behind it couldn't leave good enough alone, they just had to challenge Rotten Tomatoes for giving it 0% and ask people, "Who are you going to believe?" Well, nowadays, I feel like people will hardly trust RT for giving Venom 28% and Black Panther 97%. But I like both of those films. Back to Gotti, in what could have been another comeback for Travolta, it just turned into another dud. I can't help but feel that in one scene where Gotti breaks down in tears, it felt like a metaphor for how Travolta's career is going.
DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:
10. Vox Lux
My pick for most pretentious movie of 2018. It follows a girl named Celeste who went through some terrible circumstances and became a pop star in her adulthood. I thought it might have some potential, especially with Natalie Portman in the lead. This could have been like Black Swan 2. But the themes and presentation of it all were so heavy-handed. It insists upon itself with the violent imagery and dramatic Willem Dafoe narration. Some choices were interesting like having the girl who played young Celeste also play her daughter, and presenting the opening credits like they're the closing credits and having the end credits roll up the other way with absolute silence. With the exception of one man in the theater referring to Jonathan Demme, whom this movie was dedicated to, you can hear a pin drop as the end credits rolled on. I bet the other people were either blown away by it or dumbfounded by it. Overall, my feelings could be summed up by this classic Simpsons scene with Krusty the Klown:
9. A Wrinkle in Time
For the second time, Disney tries to bring the classic novel to life, this time on the big screen. But after watching it, I asked myself, "What happened?" We had a seemingly good director and some imagination that looked promising. Granted, I haven't read the book so I can't quite judge it on that aspect, but as a movie, it's a mess from the acting to the story. While Storm Reid was decent as Meg, it's her brother Charles Wallace that gives a robotic performance. I wondered if that was the same kid in A Simple Favor who played Blake Lively's son. It wasn't. You also got Oprah who often times is a giant. Metaphorical, much? Then there's Reese Witherspoon who's just so loony and not in a charming way. And Mindy Kaling whose character only speaks in quotes and who says them. She even quotes Chris Tucker! Well, here's a quote for this movie:
"It's junk. First class junk." - Siskel, American.And boy, did it bomb in the box office and got negative reviews. If that doesn't prove to people that Disney doesn't pay critics to praise their films, then what more could?
8. The Happytime Murders
Now, this was a fascinating idea: a dark noir film with Muppets. I've heard this was in development for almost a decade, and when the trailer hit, people had major reservations about the tone and the adult humor, but I was pretty curious to see it. And in the end, it was very underwhelming. It felt like it was truly attempting to be edgy for the sake of being edgy. However, I'm not proud to admit it, but I like that gag of Phil Phillips ejaculating with silly string. I know it's stupid and so low brow, but it was funny for how much it was pushing it. But it also didn't help by having Melissa McCarthy around. You want a real adult Muppet movie to see, that really pushes the envelope, while the kids are asleep? Then see Peter Jackson's Meet the Feebles. Also, watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
7. Pacific Rim Uprising
The sequel to Guillermo del Toro's sci-fi action flick feels like it was made from a corporate machine that throws in elements from the original, but none of the human elements. While I'm not a big fan of the first one, it had me more engaged than the sequel which I just completely forgotten. While John Boyega does his best as the son of Stacker Pentecost, he just couldn't carry the film especially with subpar supporting characters and weak twists. You know it's bad when Bumblebee is much better than this.
6. Sherlock Gnomes
Like The Nut Job 2, I don't know if people demanded a sequel to Gnomeo and Juliet. I believe the studio thought what other gnome related puns they could use, as evident in the opening. Most of the cast from the first returns with a washed out Johnny Depp leading as the title character. And as if they need to make it clear who was the executive producer of this film, there are some Elton John references. The only pro this movie has is the animation is a little better than the first one, but it's not very noteworthy especially when it can't give Moriarty, who's a pie mascot for some reason, some good over the top expressions. This was just another film to take your six-year-old when there aren't any left.
5. Mile 22
This was the most enjoyable bad movie I've seen last year! To start things off, you got Mark Wahlberg in the lead and it looks like he's not going to bring his A material but instead, bring his "what the fuck is he doing?" material as he plays the leader of a top-secret unit who's very impulsive. Then there's Lauren Cohan who's very stiff but has some moments of outbursts. In fact, a lot of the characters act like they have Tourette's syndrome. In one moment with Cohan, she is talking to her estranged daughter only to have her father hang up on her. Very furious, she breaks the phone, yelling, "Fucking motherfucker!" This was one of several unintentionally funny moments. When I went to see it, it was me and two other people. I didn't want to ruin their date night, so I tried to stifle myself. On top of that, the editing was also impulsive and hectic. Even when there are two characters having a conversation, the film feels like it needs to cut at a different angle. I don't think there's a shot that lasts for more than 13 seconds. The editing also doesn't do Iko Uwais justice in his action scenes. This overall was a funny mess of a film which can be frustrating for some, but I found it outrageously entertaining and at the very least, it didn't drag.
4. Show Dogs
Why does this movie exist? I thought we were done with talking animal movies of this tenth-rate kind. Heck, this movie feels like it belongs in 2008, even the humor and CGI on the talking animals reflect that. You know there's no faith in it when it's released on the same weekend as Deadpool 2. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. This movie also became infamous for having a "grooming" scene in which parents and critics complained, resulting in the scene being cut out. I managed to find a video of that scene and honestly it's warranted. It is for the best of the youth of America to not see that scene. There's one joke I kinda like where it involved three Rottweilers from different parts of the world learning they're siblings. They even reunited with their mother coincidentally. It was like the canine version of Three Identical Strangers without the shocking reveals. But aside from that, this was a shaggy dog story that didn't belong in this time period.
3. Action Point
Johnny Knoxville brings his Jackass shtick into a movie about a theme park that's based on an infamous theme park that was deemed too dangerous for people. Unlike the Jackass series and movies, all the stunts don't feel quite as fresh, painful, or funny like it's all coordinated. This tries to have a story with characters and conflicts, but I believe this was an excuse for Knoxville to try and relive the glory days of Jackass. As one character had said, it is "a continuous train wreck." I got more entertainment out of a family with kids reacting to a preview of The Happytime Murders, complete with the silly string ejaculation scene.
2. Holmes and Watson
As if one subpar Sherlock Holmes comedy wasn't enough, Will Ferrell and John C. Reiley just had to get involved. Initially, I thought the trailer looked stupid but kind of amusing. But then, it received the same score as Fan4stic on Rotten Tomatoes: 9%. Still, someone must report to this to their friends so they wouldn't torture themselves to see it. And yeah, this was pretty bad. A lot of the jokes you can predict from the setup and where it's going to go. An example is seeing a young Sherlock Holmes get picked on at school, but the students say they're sorry and they put a blindfold around him, saying he'll receive a kiss from the prettiest girl. Well, I wonder where this could go? Sure enough, they tricked him in kissing the ass of a donkey! As if this wasn't uncreative enough, they also make some Trump references like someone saying "fake news" and Sherlock wearing a fez with the words "Make England Great Again."
And it's very sad that they had good talent involved like Ralph Fiennes as Moriarty who doesn't little to nothing, Kelly Macdonald as Mrs. Hudson whose acting takes a turn in a cringe-worthy way, and Hugh Laurie as Mycroft Holmes. And why did they cast Rebecca Hall as an American when she's English in real life? Also, what was Lauren Lapkus doing, acting like a cat? These were all questions in my head as I was watching it. You know what's funnier than this movie? The fact that Sony tried to sell the movie to Netflix after it did poorly at test screenings, but Netflix declined as if they were saying, "We won't have this turd as part of our library, not beside Roma or Mudbound!" That's all there is to it. Don't go see it. Go and rent Step Brothers.
1. Gotti
Moviepass' second biggest crime was financing this lame attempt to bring light to the infamous mob boss and bring John Travolta back into the spotlight. The movie was like a bad high school report about Gotti that just didn't paint a good picture of what an imposing figure he was. This feels more like a made for TV movie than a theatrical one. Travolta's acting and over the top accent certainly reflects that, as well as lines like "I'll park a bus up your ass fucking sideways!". In fact, there was a made-for-TV movie about Gotti with Armand Assante, and even then people say that one does Gotti more justice! As it presents Gotti's life story, it tries to bring some style to it with Pitbull songs and stealing from Scorcese films. All the scenes and the narrative didn't flow very well. It was like a kid trying to put a 1000 piece puzzle together and just leaving a disjointed mess. As if the studio behind it couldn't leave good enough alone, they just had to challenge Rotten Tomatoes for giving it 0% and ask people, "Who are you going to believe?" Well, nowadays, I feel like people will hardly trust RT for giving Venom 28% and Black Panther 97%. But I like both of those films. Back to Gotti, in what could have been another comeback for Travolta, it just turned into another dud. I can't help but feel that in one scene where Gotti breaks down in tears, it felt like a metaphor for how Travolta's career is going.
DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:
- Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again
- Slice
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